2018 Has Come to an End

Finally, I made it to 2019. 2018 has come to an end too. Back in 2017 I wanted to do so many interesting things. I was still optimistic then, still full of longing.

But what can I do now that I’ve become like this? Life is always full of regrets. I don’t know if I can still gather the courage like before to welcome the new year.

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Second year of middle school, second year of high school—those are both “chuunibyou” ages. They say it’s when the brain is most out of whack, and whether you sink or… this period can be crucial. Perhaps my current state is like the protagonist in “妄想症 Deliver Me”—I can’t get interested in anything: games, studying, code, anime. Instead I’m obsessed with Mandarin pop music and all kinds of films.

Note: “妄想症 Deliver Me” was a gift from 黎明.

About Today

Today I watched Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It’s a comedy, but parts of it really moved me, though the comedic style snaps you out of sadness instantly. It happened several times. Maybe I felt it differently—the kids next to me laughed the whole time, and their parents too.

Miles: “If it doesn’t fit, can I return it?” Stan Lee: “It always fits. Eventually.”

Miles: “How will I know I’m ready?” Peter Parker: “You won’t. It’s a leap of faith.”

Anyone can wear the mask. Anyone can be Spider-Man.

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At the End

Sigh, I can’t really keep writing. I just want to find a place where I can forget everything, do nothing, and think about nothing. These past months I’ve been sleeping late because I can’t fall asleep and I always think too much at night. I don’t know how to get back to normal. I want my brain to shut down, but it refuses.

What should I do? 2018 will be over in just a few minutes. How should I face the coming 2019? I really want to become a gentle, optimistic, outgoing person. But can I?